After a while, I thought I was ok, I thought I could just live with this. I thought I can take the pain…. But I’m tired now. Tired of Pretending that I’ll be ok when I'm really not.
I am in a situation where I couldn’t even understand what’s going on… Never had I imagined myself that I’d be in this spot right now. Alone, restless and weak… I used to be strong, I once was a master of my feelings. I could almost bare with anything
But now, I have been so vulnerable. Enslaved by a strong emotion.
I want to control it! but It’s difficult. I want to fight it but it’s hard. I want to destroy it but it’s too powerful. I’m running out of options. The longer it takes , the harder it gets.
I have asked my friends on what to do, and they all say the
same thing. I should do what is right. I should tell him… I just can’t … Whenever I try, fear runs through my veins... I was afraid, afraid to admit that I have fallen and was consciously falling for a person who only treated me as a friend. Nothing more than that..... I wanted to…But the words don't just come out easily.
Things are getting complicated now. Some people are involved.
It’s not just me and my emotions or me and him. He's into my friend. They claim each other as friends but they do things more than friends do…. awww! that breaks my heart!
The person I like and I think I’m in love with is absolutely the wrong one… I always fall for the wrong one…I was dumb not recognize that early on... I got the wrong signals, yet I persisted with the belief that there maybe something… But I was totally irrational!!! How could I possibly fall for someone who takes advantage of every
opportunity a person can give, who uses someone to gain confidence, who masquerades weakness yet posses a strong character… who denies a lot of things yet the actions contradict…who above anything else believes in morality yet does not conform to it…
I don’t understand, why amidst all these, I still care… ..
I don’t know… but I have to let go… I should not recognize it’s existence. I should continue with my life… but without the feeling… As they say, time heals all wounds… I guess, mine would heal too but I have to wait and let things happen… Time will come that this too, will pass ....
maybe after a while.....